Sexuality, consent and kink glossary

The vocabulary of desire, consent and kink, explained plainly. Nothing here assumes you already know the words. Each term has its own page.

Erotic template / turn-ons

The specific pattern of what reliably turns you on: context, dynamic, sensation, story. Most people have never been asked to look. Read the full entry.

Sexual communication

Talking about sex in usable language, and not only when something has gone wrong. Why timing does most of the work. Read the full entry.

Consent

An ongoing yes that everyone can feel confident in, with room to change it. Why the reliability of the no is what gives the yes its meaning. Read the full entry.

Open relationship vs. polyamory

Both sit under consensual non-monogamy, with different emphases. Neither one is the easier option, and the honest question comes before the structure. Read the full entry.

Kink

Erotic interests outside the conventional script, most of it quieter than the word suggests. Much of it has nothing to do with BDSM. Read the full entry.

Safewords

A word that sits outside the scene so it still works when no has become part of the play. Green, yellow and red belong to everyone involved. Read the full entry.

BDSM

Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Structured play that turns out to be about trust more than intensity. Read the full entry.

Arousal non-concordance

The gap between what a body does and what a person wants. Reading the body as a truth meter causes a great deal of unnecessary shame. Read the full entry.

Aftercare

The attention you give each other afterwards, on purpose rather than by accident. Where it comes from, and why leaving it out has a cost the next day. Read the full entry.

Fantasy vs. desire

A fantasy turns you on to imagine; a desire is something you want to happen. How to say one out loud without it landing as the other. Read the full entry.

RelatingWise offers coaching and education, not therapy. Anything that needs clinical care belongs with a therapist; Patricia works as one in her own practice at patricia-heinis.de.

A note on who this is for: we write in terms of couples and partners for simplicity, but this is for every gender, orientation, and relationship form, and for you and whoever you love.